Queenstown Take 2

So we’re back in good old Queenstown and guess what it’s raining here too. Funny that. It doesn’t stop the NZers watering there grass though does it. There’s heaps of water here for watering, they have their sprinklers running 24/7 and apparently the Aussies keep turning them off – how funny is that?

Anyway we amused ourselves by going to the cinema to see the only movie showing, Beowolf (don’t bother its crap) but the pre-movie entertainment was much more entertaining – we had a few mid 20 yo British guys waiting for theatre to open up. One of them stumbled past a poster and said: “Oh cleavage action......Angelina Jolly’s in that......I love a bit of Jolly”. The discussion moved to Kate Beccinsale where one guy said “I saw Kate Beccensale’s undercarriage”. Yep Queenstown is full of Brits. Brits and beautiful people - for those of you who are old enough just think of Right Said Fred’s song I’m too sexy and you’ll get the picture – lots of leggy Hilton look-a-likes with fake tans and fake tits, lots of “large-shorted” guys who think their pretty fly for a white guy (quotes from Warwick).

On our last day here we decided to go all out and check out some of the other adventure activities on offer in Queenstown:

Yeah its pretty sad I know but we're cheap.

Hair update - 3 weeks down, half way. The grease has distributed itself over the length of my hair, this doesn't means its better just more consistent overall and now have a bit of a dandruf problem, will be interesting when I go back to work next week. Warwicks is normal. He doesn't think my hair will improve and we've got $50 riding on it now so I have to stick it out till Jan 1 - if it doesn't improve by then I'll be washing it

Fiordland

Following our Queenstown experience we headed to Fiordland as I was keen to go kayaking on Milford Sound. The drive through the Fiordland National Park was beautiful with steep rugged mountains and deep valleys.

Milford Sound drive

This part of NZ is also known for its rain and it didn’t disappoint, it was raining when we got there, all through the night and into the following morning. Apparently it had been pretty dry before we arrived and they were expecting 300 mm in 24 hrs – I think they got it and we experienced it. So no kayaking for us.

Warwick making the most of Milford Sound

On the drive back to Queenstown we passed through Athol, nothing of interest except that it kept Warwick amused. One quote from Warwick was:“Warwick went right through Athol, it must have been the baked beans from last night.”

Moby enjoying the view on the drive back to Queenstown

Queenstown

Our first impression of Queenstown was fantastic, back in civilisation but with a great 360° view. There are pubs and restaurants and shops and lots of adventure stuff to do, excellent. We also found a great caravan park close to town where our van backed onto a small creek so we fell asleep to the sounds of gurgling water and woke up to ducks quacking for food. So we were all set, ready to explore Queenstown. We began with a walk around town, some fish and chips down by the lake and up the chairlift to check out the great views of Lake Wakatipu and the surrounding Remarkables Mountains. We grabbed all the adventure brochures and began studying which ones we were going to do.

Fish and chips on the beach

View of Queenstown from the chairlift

Queenstown Chairlift (resorting to hats now to hide my disgusting hair)

Warwick sitting in the old chairlift cars that they had when he was here last (35 yrs ago)

The one thing everyone forgets to mention about Queenstown is that adventure is bloody expensive – its perfectly designed to suck as much money out of you in the fastest possible time. There are Queenstown combos where you can package 2, 3, 4 activities together, not to save money, no its the exact same price, but it allows you to fit everything into one day. What a great idea – create all this hype about Queenstown being the adventure capitol of the world and then sit back and count the money.

Warwick had his eye initially on the jet boating ($109 pp) and canyon swing ($169 pp for one swing). I agreed to the jet boating but have no interest at all in diving from a perfectly good cliff, free falling vertically for 60 meters, reaching speeds of 150 kph before swinging through a 200 m arc. No thank you, maybe I’ll have a nice peaceful massage instead. Anyway, so back to the jet boating – we went on the Shotover Jet which is supposed to be the most thrilling in Queenstown. Both of us were pretty disappointed, it was about 20 mins of jet boating, not particularly scary with the only good bit being the 360° spins. But for an additional $35 you can purchase a photo booklet of your Shotover Jet experience! – no thanks we don’t need any reminders. So we walked away feeling a bit ripped off and not that keen to spend our money on any further adventure activities. Don’t worry we have to come back here anyway to fly home so Warwick has some more time to contemplate the canyon swing.

Also Warwick was eaten alive by sandflies:

Bound for Adventure Town

Our day on the glacier sparked our interest for more adventurous activities so we headed towards Queenstown, the adventure capitol of NZ. The drive was much of the same, lots of mountains, lots of water, windy roads and single lane bridges. We had planned to stop overnight in the seaside town of Haast but neither of us could stand staying in another shithole town so we kept driving. We ended up stopping at Wanaka which lies on a huge lake and actually has more than a pub and crappy caravan park. But you’d think that they’d make the most of the lake, wouldn’t you, no lets locate the caravan park as far away from the lake as possible. We do have a slight view of the lake from our van, if you lean back as far as you can and twist your head to the side.

Nothing much else to write about so Warwick and I decided to put together this list for those intending to embark on a similar journey:

Lessons from travelling around NZ in a caravan

1. Be prepared for arguments


2. It is important to empty the grey water waste from the van routinely (otherwise you’ll end up with yellow stinky water slushing up the shower drain that you may mistake as urine, which will result in an argument over who forgot to close the port on the toilet, see point #1)


3. The star rating system used to rate caravan parks is not the same as that used for hotels. Furthermore if you are contemplating staying at a Kiwi Holiday Park that has a cute little cartoon kiwi wearing shorts and a hat and carrying a NZ flag, turn around and drive away as fast as possible. Caravan Parks with “Motor Park” in the title will be crap, usually in the middle of nowhere with only one other van which will be an onsite van housing a single 30-40 yr old slightly scary male (usually a local) and no mobile phone coverage.


4. NZers are generally slow drivers


5. Local lingo:
   “Choice” similar to the use of cool in Australia but it doesn’t really need to be cool to say it, for example NZ: Where are you from? OZ: Melbourne NZ: Choice
   “Sweet”, “Sweet as” or “Sweet Bro” – I’m not even going to try and explain this one
   “Dairy” this is the same as milk bar in OZ. I found this out when I asked a girl at reception where I could buy some soft drink, she said at the dairy around the corner, this confused me a little.


6. Be prepared for whinging British tourists in their 20’s travelling on the green Kiwi Experience buses. They will turn up in the most likely and unlikely spots (ie sunbathing topless on an observation pier at Lake Matheson winging about a girlfriend).


7. When releasing grey water from the van beware of splash backs. Also be careful not to mix up the hose used to remove the waste water with the one used to fill up with fresh water.


8. The full indicator on the toilet may be misleading and/or malfunction


9. Keep your eye out for Stotes, they are generally flat furry pancake like creatures found on the side and middle of the road


10. Best Kiwi invention – the giant inflatable pillow


11. Beware of pissed off Spanish men called Havier that you may encounter in the male toilets of some caravan parks


12. Having an onboard toilet may sound like a good idea but imagine cleaning it out after 10 days of use (and we thought cleaning the cat litter was disgusting).


13. The North Island is not as interesting as the South Island


14. If you are more than 6 feet tall you will not be able to stand up straight in the van and will hit your head at least 5 times per day (this may lead to arguments, see point #1)


15. Words beginning in Wh are pronounced F

Glacier Region

Our first stop in the glacier region was Franz Joseph and here we went on a full day glacier walk, which was fantastic, the highlight so far.

Franz Joseph Glacier - snow falls at the top, is compacted into ice and pushed into the valley below. The glacier is flowing at a rate of 8-9 meters per day at the top and 1 meter per day at the bottom. At the terminal face the ice looks dirty as the melted ice flows into the river below, leaving behind any rock and dirt the glacier has picked up along the way.

The terminal face – the climb begins. At this stage of the climb we walk along precut paths, however the guides carry axes to reform steps as the ice shifts and melts over the day.



Up above the terminal face the ice forms large waves that we walk between and over. The waves are formed when the ice flowing over the uneven bedrock below cracks and splits resulting in large crevices. In the crevices the exposed ice is a beautiful blue colour. As we get higher and higher up the glacier the precut paths disappear and the guide determines which path to follow depending on the conditions

Ice climbing

Hair update – 2 weeks down, 4 to go. The second week was much worse than the first so not really looking forward to the third. Warwick’s hair has started to get a bit greasy and dandruff is becoming a problem, he may cave tomorrow and wash it.

West Coast

The drive from the north to the west coast was pretty spectacular around one mountain range and through another. The last section is along the Buller Gorge which winds through the mountains

Buller Gorge

They like their single lane bridges here and we also came across some single lane roads that happen around tight bends in the mountains, luckily it wasn’t very busy as you can’t tell if someone is coming from the other direction. Warwick kept himself amused by pointing out each dead Stote on the road and yelling out “Stote” (previously he had been calling them Kiwi’s but realised there aren’t that many Kiwi’s in NZ) and then changed to speaking in NZ accent, which is actually worse.

The first town we came across on the West Coast was Westport, which we drove straight through and headed to “Cape Foulwind” which I’d spotted on the map and had to check it out. Warwick and I had our own ideas as to it got this name but the official story is that Captain Cook was held offshore for a week by a terrible storm and so it was named. There’s a nice little walk up to the lighthouse and around the cliff’s and also a seal colony nearby.

We continued down the coast to Charleston, a tiny little village, there’s a pub and a dive of a caravan park (I won’t repeat what Warwick thought of it as I’m sure his mother is reading this). The main reason for stopping here was to try out the cave rafting which one of the guys at work recommended, although his dad runs it so we were a little hesitant as to how good it would be. We’ve never been caving before and it was a great experience, one of the highlights so far.

Cecil the rainforest train took us up to the caves – the motor was from a Moris Minor

Cave formations

Warwick and I preparing ourselves for the black water rafting where all lights are off and we float through the underground caves guided by the glowworms (best part of the caving)

Travelling back to the train on the rapids

After the caving we hopped back into Moby and continued our journey south along the coast drive, which meandered along the mountain sides, similar to the Great Ocean Road in Victoria. Warwick was driving so poor Moby was bouncing along (literally) and was pretty shaken up on the inside. We also came across more single lane bridges but these ones also took trains, as if it wasn’t difficult enough already for just cars. We stopped for the night at a great caravan park in Hokitika, which had some free roamingcheeky chickens. Tomorrow we set off for the glacier region.

Hello South Island

While the weather wasn’t the best for the ferry crossing the views were great, particularly through the Marlborough sound region, which is a series of inlets, coves and islands on the NE coast of the south island. The ferry terminates in Picton, which is a small fishing village at the base of the Marlbourough Sound.

Marina at Pickton

After a night in Picton we drove along the Queen Charlotte Drive that winds around the hills and valleys of the Inner Sound area. Around every bend there are spectacular views of the hills and bays and short walk from the rest stops are secluded beaches with crystal clear water. We also walked a short part of the Queen Charlotte Track, which is a 3 day hike from the Inner to Outer Sound regions.

Marlborough Sounds

We made some new friends at one of the coves

The region is known for its seafood so we stopped for lunch at one of the cafes for some green lipped mussels and scallops.


We continued driving along the north coast and up along Tasman Bay to Motueka. The beaches in this region are fantastic with golden sand and clear blue water.

Warwick having fun on the large inflatable jumping pillow at one of the caravan parks

Hair update – Warwick described my hair as looking like I’ve smeared Vaseline through it. His hair looks normal, actually its softer than normal (I think this means he’s already reached his full potential in the natural beauty stakes whereas I have room to develop further).